Dorothy Parker Quotes are timeless gems of wit, sarcasm, and sharp humor that still feel fresh in today’s world.
Known for her fearless voice and clever one-liners, Parker’s words continue to inspire, entertain, and empower readers across generations.
If you’re looking for a dose of smart humor, a spark of bold wisdom, or simply a reminder that wit never goes out of style.
These quotes prove why Dorothy Parker remains one of the most iconic literary figures of all time.
Let’s dive in!
Severe Dorothy Parker Quotes 🔥
- You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think
- If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised
- Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone
- She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B
- The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue
- He speaks seventeen languages, but he can’t say no in any of them
- If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to
- This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force
- That woman speaks eighteen languages and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them
- I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host
- It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard
- I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
- You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks
- If all the women at the party are looking at you, it’s because you just spilled something
Dorothy Parker Quotes About Life 🌱
- Life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea
- Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves
- I hate writing, I love having written
- This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it
- Life is not a joke. It’s a series of unfunny, painful punchlines
- The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity
- Time doth flit; oh shit
- There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes
- Life is too short to be taken seriously all the time
- The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant—and let the air out of the tires
- If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you
- Life, she thought, is just one damn thing after another
- My life has a superb cast, but I can’t figure out the plot
- You can’t teach people to be funny, either they are or they aren’t
The Dorothy Parker Quotes on Foolish 🧠
- Their ignorance was not merely deep, it was unfathomable
- He was dull in a new and original way
- That man has delusions of adequacy
- He’s a man of great common sense and good taste—meaning he has no taste and is rarely sensible
- There are two kinds of fools: those who can’t change their opinions and those who won’t
- He’s as sharp as a mashed potato
- She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go
- His opinions are as unshakeable as they are wrong
- His brain is like a snapshot—out of focus
- There’s nothing quite so tragic as an idiot with ambition
- They had nothing to say and said it repeatedly
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech
- He’s not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others
Dorothy Parker Quotes on Aging ⏳
- Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
- The best way to look young is to hang around older people
- Age before beauty—and pearls before swine
- You don’t get smarter with age, you just learn better excuses
- It’s not the years, it’s the mileage
- I’m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things
- Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses
- The older I get, the less I care who likes me
- I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it
- When asked if she would ever remarry: You don’t know what it’s like to bury a man every six months
- I’m too young to be this old
- Youth is wasted on the young
- The days are long, but the years are short
- There’s nothing sadder than a young pessimist
- Age is just a number, but numbers don’t lie
The Dorothy Parker Quotes on Writing ✍️
- I hate writing, I love having written
- Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat
- The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism
- If you want to know what God thinks of writers, just look at who gets published
- I’m not a writer with a drinking problem; I’m a drinker with a writing problem
- There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money, either
- I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. But if that’s too adorable, I’d settle for money
- Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money
- Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye
- The housewife who never writes is better than the writer who never sweeps
- I write because no one listens
- I can’t write five words but that I change seven
- Poetry is the journal of a sea animal living on land
- I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound
- I’m too busy reading to write
Dorothy Parker Quotes on Love ❤️
- Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away
- Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses
- Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt
- They sicken of the calm who knew the storm
- I was the toast of two continents—Greenland and Australia
- If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you
- Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
- Take me or leave me, but don’t waste my time
- She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go
- They were married and lived unhappily ever after
- The only dependable law of life—everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be
- A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika
- If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question
- The cure for love is marriage, and the cure for marriage is divorce
Best Dorothy Parker Quotes 🌟
- I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true
- Brevity is the soul of lingerie
- Tell him I was too fucking busy—or vice versa
- That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment
- One more drink and I’ll be under the host
- I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
- It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another; it’s one damn thing over and over
- I was never a child
- I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it
- Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone
- There is no joy in mudville tonight
- I can’t understand people who don’t like dogs
- I’m not a writer. I’m a stenographer of my own mind
- There’s a difference between being witty and being mean—though not everyone can tell
- The only dependable law of life is that it always gets worse
Famous Dorothy Parker Quotes 📚
- What fresh hell is this
- I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true
- Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses
- This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force
- The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity
- I like to have a martini, two at the very most
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes
- Don’t look at me in that tone of voice
- If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to
- Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat
- Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities will take care of themselves
- Time doth flit; oh shit
- I hate writing. I love having written
- I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. But if that’s too adorable, I’d settle for money
Wit Dorothy Parker Quotes 💬
- The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue
- Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words
- You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think
- Brevity is the soul of lingerie
- She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B
- That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone
- I’m never going to be famous
- There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit
- Don’t look at me in that tone of voice
- He can’t even make a mess without being boring
- The cure for boredom is curiosity
- I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true
- If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you
- One more drink and I’ll be under the host
- I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it
Conclusion
Dorothy Parker’s quotes remain timeless, razor-sharp, and endlessly relevant.
Her wit captures the beauty and absurdity of life in every line.
If you’re seeking sarcasm, wisdom, or humor, she offers a quote for every mood and moment—reminding us that truth stings, but it also sparkles.
