Seinfeld Quotes are still making people laugh in 2025, proving that true comedy never gets old.
Packed with witty one-liners, sarcastic humor, and relatable everyday moments, these quotes capture the essence of the “show about nothing” that became everything in pop culture.
Fans love revisiting Kramer’s eccentric antics, George’s hilarious complaints, Elaine’s sharp comebacks, and Jerry’s observational brilliance.
If you’re a long-time fan or discovering the magic of Seinfeld for the first time, these quotes will give you a mix of nostalgia, laughter, and timeless wisdom in the funniest way possible.
Best Seinfeld Quotes 🎯
- “No soup for you!”
- “Yada yada yada.”
- “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
- “I was in the pool!”
- “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
- “You double-dipped the chip!”
- “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
- “Serenity now!”
- “It’s a show about nothing.”
- “I’m out!”
- “He’s a re-gifter.”
- “A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
- “I’m speechless. I have no speech.”
- “I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate.”
- “I don’t trust men in capes.”
Jerry Seinfeld Quotes 😎
- “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
- “A two-face! Like the Batman villain?”
- “I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
- “I break up with people for superficial reasons.”
- “I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.”
- “That’s a shame.”
- “You can’t over-dry.”
- “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun.”
- “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”
- “You ever notice how people…”
- “I choose not to run.”
- “I like sports. I could do something in sports.”
- “Where are the parents?”
- “You ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?”
- “Why do they call it Ovaltine?”
Famous Seinfeld Quotes 🌟
- “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
- “You can’t spare one square?”
- “The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!”
- “Hello… Newman.”
- “I’m an importer-exporter.”
- “This is gold, Jerry. Gold!”
- “Master of your domain!”
- “I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
- “He’s a low talker.”
- “I’m not a man, I’m a mouse!”
- “I had hand!”
- “I think it moved.”
- “It shrinks?”
- “You gotta see the baby!”
- “No hugging, no learning.”
Funny Seinfeld Quotes 😂
- “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
- “You can’t go double-dipping!”
- “A house with a red door? What am I, a farmer?”
- “You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation.”
- “I can’t spare a square.”
- “Why must there always be a problem?”
- “You know what I discovered? It’s not about the food.”
- “I’m not an orgy guy.”
- “I don’t want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten.”
- “You know what they say: you don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.”
- “We’re living in a society!”
- “The sea was angry that day, my friends…”
- “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
- “I don’t like the idea of my world being changed.”
- “I can’t go back to paper towels!”
Top 100 Seinfeld Quotes 📜 (Selection of 15)
- “No soup for you!”
- “Master of your domain!”
- “I’m out!”
- “Serenity now!”
- “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
- “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
- “You can’t spare one square?”
- “The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!”
- “I was in the pool!”
- “I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
- “You double-dipped the chip!”
- “That’s a shame.”
- “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun.”
- “He’s a re-gifter.”
- “You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation.”
Seinfeld Quotes Funny 🤣
- “You ever notice how people…”
- “I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate.”
- “Why don’t they just make the whole plane out of the black box?”
- “I was in the pool!”
- “I choose not to run.”
- “I’m an orgy guy now!”
- “You know how much mental energy I expend just trying to ignore the buttons on her blouse?”
- “The sea was angry that day, my friends…”
- “You think you’re better than me?”
- “The nose knows!”
- “Can’t stand ya!”
- “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
- “Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God you know me?”
- “He’s a high talker!”
- “It’s like a sauna in here.”
Seinfeld Quotes About Life 💬
- “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”
- “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
- “We’re living in a society!”
- “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
- “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
- “I don’t trust men in capes.”
- “You can’t go back to paper towels!”
- “I’m not a man, I’m a mouse!”
- “You ever notice how everything is different, but it all stays the same?”
- “The world’s not fair. That’s why there’s insurance.”
- “You know what the trouble with me is? I’m an enigma.”
- “Relationships are like a box of cereal.”
- “You can’t break up with someone on their birthday.”
- “Life is a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.”
- “I choose not to run.”
Jerry Seinfeld Quotes Funny 😄
- “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun.”
- “You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky!”
- “Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round, they should call it Roundtine!”
- “I don’t trust men with cats.”
- “I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.”
- “Who are these people?”
- “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t like cereal.”
- “If you’re watching a fly, you’re not working.”
- “I don’t return fruit.”
- “I can’t spare a square!”
- “If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t be in it.”
- “Is it me, or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?”
- “I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.”
- “You can’t just have an idea. You gotta act on it!”
- “I don’t want to be remembered, I want to be forgotten.”
Estelle Seinfeld Quotes 👵
- “I go out for a quart of milk, I come home, and I find my son treating his body like an amusement park!”
- “What’s so great about a Festivus?”
- “I heard a noise. I thought it was a burglar, so I called the police.”
- “Why don’t you just tell me what movie you want to see?”
- “You say you want to be my latex salesman?”
- “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
- “I’ll make a man out of you, George!”
- “Do you know what kind of stress I’m under?”
- “You wanna be my son-in-law?”
- “This is not my kind of show!”
- “You’re killing me, George!”
- “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
- “How could anyone not like you?”
- “It’s like an onion ring with a side of irony.”
- “You wanna be a nothing? Be a nothing!”
Conclusion
Seinfeld’s quotes are timeless reflections of life’s absurdities, brimming with clever humor and unforgettable punchlines.
If you’re laughing with Jerry, arguing like George, or getting sass from Estelle, these quotes bring a slice of 90s brilliance to any moment.
Keep them handy for a smile, a reference, or just a quick mental vacation back to Monk’s Café.
