Sopranos Quotes are more than just lines from a TV show—they’re iconic words that shaped pop culture and still resonate today.
From Tony Soprano’s raw wisdom to Paulie’s dark humor, every quote carries power, attitude, and a slice of reality that fans can’t forget.
As the series continues to trend in 2025 through streaming platforms and social buzz, these unforgettable lines remind us why The Sopranos remains one of the greatest shows of all time.
Sopranos Quotes
🕴️ Classic lines that defined the show’s gritty tone
- 🕴️ A wrong decision is better than indecision.
- 🕴️ You steer the ship the best way you know.
- 🕴️ There’s an old Italian saying: you f*** up once, you lose two teeth.
- 🕴️ All due respect, you got no f***ing idea what it’s like to be Number One.
- 🕴️ More is lost by indecision than wrong decision.
- 🕴️ Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they’re leading.
- 🕴️ The only thing better than having it all is knowing you already do.
- 🕴️ You probably don’t even hear it when it happens, right?
- 🕴️ Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
- 🕴️ You don’t s*** where you eat.
- 🕴️ I wipe my a** with your feelings.
- 🕴️ This is the life we’ve chosen.
- 🕴️ Sometimes I go about in pity for myself… and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.
- 🕴️ You’re only as good as your last envelope.
- 🕴️ There’s no mafia!
Best Sopranos Quotes
🔥 Top-tier lines that define the brilliance of the show
- 🔥 You got no idea what it’s like to be me.
- 🔥 Family: they’re the only ones you can depend on.
- 🔥 I’m like King Midas in reverse.
- 🔥 You ever feel like nothing good was ever going to happen to you?
- 🔥 The world don’t run on love.
- 🔥 It’s all a big nothing. What makes you think you’re so special?
- 🔥 I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.
- 🔥 You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?
- 🔥 The lowest form of conversation is “remember when.”
- 🔥 You don’t understand depression until you’ve had it.
- 🔥 Death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.
- 🔥 You don’t s*** where you eat, and you really don’t s*** where I eat.
- 🔥 A Don doesn’t wear shorts.
- 🔥 Buy land, ’cause God ain’t making any more of it.
- 🔥 All our people are getting locked up or dying.
The Sopranos Quotes
🎬 Signature lines from across the series
- 🎬 Every decision you make affects every facet of every other f***ing thing.
- 🎬 There’s an old Italian saying: you f*** up once, you lose two teeth.
- 🎬 It’s good to be in something from the ground floor.
- 🎬 We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell.
- 🎬 You know where I was yesterday when you called? Taking a leak.
- 🎬 I got the world by the balls and I can’t stop feeling like a loser.
- 🎬 It’s the regularness of life that kills you.
- 🎬 I’m not a cat, I don’t have nine lives.
- 🎬 This is America. You’re entitled to s***.
- 🎬 You’ll love ’em when you get to know ’em.
- 🎬 You don’t know how lucky you are.
- 🎬 The things I take care of, it’s beyond you.
- 🎬 What happened to Gary Cooper?
- 🎬 Don’t stop believing.
- 🎬 Let me tell you something about my mother.
Sopranos Quotes Funny
😂 Dark and dry humor from North Jersey’s finest
- 😂 Chrissy, take your heroin and go to sleep.
- 😂 She was a hoo-ah!
- 😂 The guy’s got a problem with the thermostat.
- 😂 You can’t have your gabagool and eat it too.
- 😂 You’re not a man, you’re a eunuch.
- 😂 I gotta sit in this chair all day and answer questions from the FBI?
- 😂 Even Jesus was betrayed by his own people.
- 😂 You think this is the mob?
- 😂 I’m in waste management.
- 😂 They didn’t invent the mob, the mob invented them.
- 😂 What, no f***in’ ziti now?
- 😂 We’re gonna have a sit-down over mayonnaise?
- 😂 You’re the f***in’ Grim Reaper.
- 😂 You got the IQ of lint.
Funniest Sopranos Quotes
🤣 Lines that will crack you up every time
- 🤣 This is not the way adults behave!
- 🤣 Who died and made you the boss of the gravy?
- 🤣 It’s not just regular hurt, it’s ‘get in your car and cry’ hurt.
- 🤣 I had a dream last night. You were in it. You were fatter.
- 🤣 You got sausage fingers and a jelly belly.
- 🤣 You don’t wanna lie down with me, you wanna lie down in general.
- 🤣 We’re just two misfits. Like a sausage and a jelly donut.
- 🤣 You’re not gonna believe this, but I ate an entire calzone.
- 🤣 I had my salad tossed in prison.
- 🤣 You better take that tone out your voice!
- 🤣 I’m like a duck. Calm on the outside, paddling like hell underneath.
- 🤣 That guy’s like a human blister—shows up after the work is done.
- 🤣 You call that espresso? This tastes like mud.
- 🤣 You got the brain power of a chicken cutlet.
- 🤣 You smell like burnt hair and regret.
Funny Sopranos Quotes
😄 A separate stash of hilariously oddball lines
- 😄 The only job I ever had that paid weekly was my paper route.
- 😄 I’m in no mood for your negativity today.
- 😄 What am I, a toxic person now?
- 😄 If I had a nickel for every time I heard that…
- 😄 I had a dream where I ate myself.
- 😄 These eggs are runnier than my cousin in court.
- 😄 Carm, I think I’m depressed… again.
- 😄 It’s like talking to a brick wall with a Jersey accent.
- 😄 We’re gonna sit here like two bumpkins?
- 😄 I gotta worry about every jerk-off with a badge now?
- 😄 The next sound you hear will be the crunch of your skull.
- 😄 I’ll take care of it… after I watch Jeopardy.
- 😄 You act like I got time to go to therapy and commit crimes.
- 😄 Just kill me now, I can’t miss the Yankees game.
- 😄 You know what your problem is? You think too much.
Famous Sopranos Quotes
🌟 Lines that are still quoted today
- 🌟 A Don never wears shorts.
- 🌟 You steer the ship the best way you know.
- 🌟 Some people are so far behind they think they’re leading.
- 🌟 Buy land, they’re not making any more of it.
- 🌟 Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.
- 🌟 Family. You can’t live with them, can’t whack ‘em.
- 🌟 You ever feel like nothing good was ever gonna happen?
- 🌟 There’s no mafia.
- 🌟 I wipe my a** with your feelings.
- 🌟 It’s all a big nothing.
- 🌟 A wrong decision is better than indecision.
- 🌟 We’re soldiers.
- 🌟 What happened to Gary Cooper?
- 🌟 You don’t s*** where you eat.
- 🌟 More is lost by indecision than wrong decision.
Tony Sopranos Quotes
👑 Boss-level lines from the man himself
- 👑 You got no idea what it’s like to be me.
- 👑 I’m like King Midas in reverse.
- 👑 All due respect, you got no f***ing idea what it’s like to be Number One.
- 👑 The lowest form of conversation is remember when.
- 👑 There’s no mafia.
- 👑 Sometimes I go about in pity for myself…
- 👑 I wipe my a** with your feelings.
- 👑 You ever think that nothing good is ever gonna happen to you?
- 👑 Depression is like a weight on your soul.
- 👑 I’m not a cat, I don’t have nine lives.
- 👑 Every decision affects every facet of every other f***ing thing.
- 👑 Buy land.
- 👑 The regularness of life is what kills you.
- 👑 I’m the sad clown.
- 👑 I find I have to be strong… even when I don’t feel strong.
Paulie Sopranos Quotes
🗣️ The most quotable sidekick with the best one-liners
- 🗣️ You’re like a woman with PMS.
- 🗣️ You got the unluckiest face I ever saw.
- 🗣️ You’re weak, and you’re out of control.
- 🗣️ That’s just the way I talk, T.
- 🗣️ I don’t write nothin’ down, ‘cause if you do, they can subpoena it.
- 🗣️ I had a vision.
- 🗣️ My mother told me I’d never amount to anything.
- 🗣️ My cousin was a guinea pig in some government experiment.
- 🗣️ I’m Paulie Walnuts, b****.
- 🗣️ You ever hear of snoring?
- 🗣️ It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet in hell.
- 🗣️ You look like an idiot with that thing on.
- 🗣️ Don’t give me that sad clown crap.
- 🗣️ I don’t trust any food that’s white.
- 🗣️ I’m a Catholic, I can’t go to hell.
Iconic Sopranos Quotes
💣 Lines that became legendary beyond the show
- 💣 You got no idea what it’s like to be Number One.
- 💣 Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.
- 💣 It’s good to be in something from the ground floor.
- 💣 We’re soldiers, not monsters.
- 💣 There’s no mafia.
- 💣 The regularness of life is what kills you.
- 💣 You don’t s*** where you eat.
- 💣 All our people are getting locked up or dying.
- 💣 This is the life we chose.
- 💣 What happened to Gary Cooper?
- 💣 It’s all a big nothing.
- 💣 More is lost by indecision.
- 💣 I wipe my a** with your feelings.
- 💣 The world don’t run on love.
- 💣 Buy land.
Conclusion
Whether you’re reliving the brilliance of Tony’s brutal honesty or laughing at Paulie’s bizarre takes, The Sopranos gave us unforgettable dialogue that still hits hard.
These quotes remind us why the series remains a masterpiece—sharp, dark, funny, and endlessly quotable.
Keep them handy for inspiration, nostalgia, or just a damn good laugh.
